I have a crappy habit of telling myself I can only be one thing at a time. I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember. Categorising myself into increasingly uncomfortable boxes. Am I a silly person or a serious person? A scientist or a creative? A party animal or a homebody?

I wanted to have a biological child of my own, but after two miscarriages I hit menopause right in the face and that was no longer a possibility. For a long while after that I would catch myself thinking things like ‘If I had a baby I couldn’t go on this holiday and I’m having a great time’… and then I would put myself down as if thinking that meant I didn’t want a child enough! I painted myself into a corner where I felt guilty for enjoying the life I had in the absence of having the biological child that I wanted.

Bonkers!

People are complex, but we like to (over) simplify. I realised I was forcing myself to live in an either/or world – pushing myself to think that if I really truly wanted a child then I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the freedom I currently have in my life as a result of not having one.

But this is not an either/or situation! This is an ‘and’ situation. It’s entirely reasonable to regret not having a biological child AND to enjoy the freedom I have as a result. I’m a scientist and a creative. I love going out dancing, and I love staying at home on the couch.

Taking the pressure off yourself to exist in an ‘either/or’ world, and embracing the ‘and’ of your unique character and weirdness will get you closer to understanding the real you…AND to enjoying the life you make for yourself.